


Don't Make Me Let Him Down

by garilin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 00:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15327789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garilin/pseuds/garilin
Summary: Where /that/ conversation went a little differently.





	Don't Make Me Let Him Down

"Martin tried to kill his grandkid, Sam! His freakin' grandkid, who he's never gonna be able to see again because of him and because of you!"

"Dean-"

"If you make me choose I'll choose you, Sam. I'll always choose you. But all he has is me. And I-I know you're still mad about Amy and I _deserve_ that, okay, but he doesn't! You'd know that if you would sit down and talk to the man."

Sam's expression didn't waver, remaining hard and five different kinds of pissed off.

"Sammy, _please_. You owe me one for not looking for me. Just--I was supposed to meet him for coffee, how about you go instead?"

"So now you trust me with him?"

"Drop the attitude. You're going to be in public. And really, how can I trust you when you won't trust me? When you won't use that big brain of yours to _think_ about what I'm saying?"

Little brother scoffed. "Like you would've reacted better if I came home with a vampire after a year MIA."

"You're right," Dean agreed. He laughed and pretended it didn't sound as hollow and grating as that empty space inside him felt. "I wouldn't've. I'd've chopped the fucker's head off without a second thought. But you're not me, Sam. You're better than that." _Better than me._

_Fuck._ He was not going to cry, not in front of Sam. Preferably not ever again.

God damn Benny for making him so goddamned emotional.

Sam stared up at him, looking completely baffled. "You really care for him that much?"

"He has never let me down, Sam," he said, for what felt like the millionth time. "I don't want to let _him_ down."

God knew everyone else who'd stayed in his life longer than five minutes Dean'd hurt at one point or another. Benny, though; their relationship felt pure in the way that purgatory had, built on mutual pain and honesty and hard-won devotion. Dean had confessed things to the vamp he wouldn't have dared to think around anyone else. Since Benny had come clean about his own bloody past...

"You know it's not just about Amy, right? It's about Amelia, too."

Dean tried _very hard_ not to let his instinctive dislike show on his face.

"When you pulled that stunt and had me running back to her, thinking she was hurt or, worse, already dead? She thought I wanted to get back together. We could have, Dean, I could've gotten her back, and you have _no idea_ how painful that was for me."

"I'm sorry, man. I never--I never wanted to hurt you."

Sam sighed. "And I don't want to hurt _you_ , Dean."

"Well, uh, that's good. Thanks."

"If you can stop giving me shit about purgatory, I can have coffee with Benny."

"Deal," Dean agreed, positively beaming. This was going to go well if he had to knock 'em out and chain them up in a room together.

* * *

 

While Sam was going into the coffee shop alone, Dean knew better than to leave them entirely without a chaperone. Proving to be the smart brother yet again, Sam didn't comment when Dean parked and turned off the engine rather than dropping him off like a normal person. Or letting him drive himself, for that matter. Dean's parting smile was genuine, if nervous, but Sam's was stilted and tainted by some measure of annoyance. Dean just hoped it never ratcheted up to 'stab a vampire in the eye with his fork in front of twenty witnesses' levels.

The wait was tedious, but the lack of raised voices promising. Benny might not've been a yeller, but Sam sure as hell was, just like their dad and, Dean admitted, himself. So, after a while, he let himself recline and grab his book from the glove compartment. Despite what Sam thought, Dean _did_ read, it was just that reading around his brother was impossible. Everything in him told Dean he had to keep half a mind on Sam, on what Sam was doing, on being prepared to protect him in case something nasty managed to sneak in past the salt lines. The leftover hypervigilance from his time in purgatory didn't help.

So. Reading. He didn't get to do it as much as he wanted to or felt he should. The Impala felt safe enough to try. Damn, he had missed his baby.

He must've succeeded, because in no time at all Sam was opening the door and glaring down at him. Dean quickly returned to his own seat. The book, he tossed onto the dashboard.

" _Star Wars: Death Troopers_? Really?"

"Shut up. It has zombies." Of a sort. "Have fun on your date?"

"Would you be jealous if I said yes?"

" _Sam_."

"Benny's not who I thought he was," Sam allowed, then sighed. "You should go in. I'll go back to the room and Benny can drive you over when you're done."

"You're fine with him knowing where we hang our hats?"

"Guess so."

"Huh."

He spotted Benny easily when he walked in. He was dressed much the same as the last time they'd seen each other, if a little rougher around the edges. He seemed tired.

Dean ignored the pulse of worry long enough to enjoy their hug, to _feel_ Benny pressed up against him, real and alive, if not well.

"How've you been, brother?" Benny asked, and Dean was honest in his mingled happiness and misery. When he returned the question, though, Benny tried to evade him.

"C'mon, man. I know I'm late getting here, and the thing with Sam-"

"It's fine, Dean. It was...It was good. We came to an understanding. And I know you're a busy man, out there saving people, hunting things."

"The family business."

"You've done more for me than I had any right askin', Dean. I appr-"

"No," Dean cut in. "You're always saying how I don't owe you? Yeah, well you don't owe me either. We're family, and I _need_ you, and that's all there is to it. Okay?"

Benny stared at him, blue eyes bright with so much caged emotion. On some unconscious impulse, Dean reached across the table and held Benny's hand on his own. To his death, he would deny how his thumb gently stroked the back of the hand, how some old, familiar warmth long absent ( _Lisa_ ) unfurled in his chest.

"You haven't lied to me--I _think_ you haven't lied to me yet. Don't start now."

"Okay," Benny agreed, slow and serious. "I'll try."

"Good," Dean breathed on a sigh. He took a sip of his coffee and let the silence simmer. It was on Benny, now.

If he commented about the fact they were holding hands, though, Dean would have to stab him.

"Hey, Dean," Benny began, and a man as large and burly as him had no right looking so nervous. "I asked Sam permission for somethin'--by accident. O' course, I understand if you say no."

"Spit it out, man."

Benny fiddled with the sugar packets for a moment, then blurted, "I want to take you out."

"What?"

"I think we could have something good together, you and I."

Dean's breath stuttered as their eyes met. "Are you asking me on a date?"

"That is how people do it these days, ain't it?"

Wait, did people not date fifty years ago? Dean buried the question. He had to think about this, about Benny...He had to think about _Benny and Dean_. Benny and Dean going out to restaurants, movies, kissing, _fucking_. Dean introducing him to pop culture and that geek stuff he pretended not to love. Benny teaching him how to fish and sail.

But that was a pipe dream. It wouldn't be like that. He was a hunter, he didn't get a happy ending. And he and Sam, they had important, world-fixing work to do. Work that would never end, not really.

What he was thinking must have shown on his face, because Benny looked kinda heartbroken.

Fucking _fuck_.

"It's not you," Dean started, and cringed. "It's just, with the life I live...It's dangerous, and _consuming_ , and there is _always_ a crisis. I've died, I've been dying, so many goddamned times. I can't-I can't do this with you Benny. I can't do this _to_ you."

Benny's free hand grabbed his free one. "Cher, you are the only thing I have in this world. The one thing I got worth living and staying clean for. I know I won't be first or even second-"

" _Benny_ -"

"Sam's your other half, and the world technically includes me, Dean. I want to be with you. I want to help you. I want as much time with you as I can get."

Dean choked on a laugh. "You're too good for me, you know that?"

"Right back at you."

Benny tasted like blood and coffee. Dean decided he was quite alright with that.


End file.
